The act of talking dirty to a lover should be a private affair. But for some it's also an awkward one, especially when it's done for the first time. There may be feelings of apprehension before saying something in bed, in the theater, or even secluded in the car. This is perfectly normal, but healthy sexual relationships do make use of dirty talk to stimulate the partner, increase passion, and create a healthy fantasy life.
As we explore how to talk dirty, it's important to remember that the skills needed to talk dirty to a lover may not come intuitively and may take a bit of practice. But it's best not to start a dirty exchange by saying, "I'm no good at this sort of thing." It's best to be a bit more confident and take the plunge into the hot, steamy waters of talking dirty.
To really delve into dirty talk, you need a partner who understands you and your desires. They should be compassionate and into you. It's not a good idea to talk sexually to someone who doesn't want that sort of attention, so let's just say that dirty talk is not a substitute for good solid marital counseling if something may be going wrong in the relationship. The act can be quite satisfying and compliment a terrific relationship, where sexuality can be explored and embraced.
Most of us feel awkward talking dirty to someone. We may think we sound like a buffoon, a child, or a slut. We need to turn off the judgments for a while. There's a tool writer's use to write fiction called voice. The voice of the character comes out in the passages of text and you begin to feel like the character may be a person standing in line at a coffee shop - they're real because they writer has found their voice. With talking dirty a person also has to find their voice, just as the author did for his book. The voice has to be authentic though, one that would be easily recognized as yours, not a put-on or otherwise fake front.
In addition to the words we speak, we also need to be aware of how we sound. Our aural interpretation can be very arousing to the opposite sex. Harsh words, given off with a staccato speech pattern would likely only bring a marching band to attention. For dirty talk to work correctly it should be hushed, pleasant, and romantic. This may be different for each individual. Men may want a huskier, caramel tone, while women move towards a high pitched, pleasing pitch.
The final step towards talking dirty should be speaking with your partner about the act. It's important to communicate that you wish to pursue talking dirty and for them to understand that their disapproval, snap judgments, or condescending remarks may hinder any progress you make towards realizing how to talk dirty to them. It would be their loss and they should know your boundaries. So before you jump into the dirty talk, be sure to lay the groundwork first.
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